Business Ethics
by Blondala
Summary: In light of the recent scandal involving the website, Corporate has decided to make all branch managers conduct a Business Ethics seminar. Watch Michael botch it up. My first fanfic. Disclaimer: I own nothing.
1. Chapter 1

Hi everyone

Hi everyone! This is my first ever fanfic, so please review! (P.S. it's not going to be very good…)

The camera shows that the desks in the office are empty. It moves to the conference room, where we see that Holly is leading a seminar with a dry-erase board behind her. Everyone in the office is gathered in chairs in the conference room. Pam and Michael are not there.

_Rapid footsteps and panting can be heard from off-screen. Everyone stares at the entrance to the conference room. Michael runs in, his clothes and hair disheveled. He takes a few deep breaths as the camera closes in on him._

MICHAEL (TH): The elevators were out of order today. Woof…two flights of stairs is a _much_ longer climb than I expected.

Michael enters the conference room.

MICHAEL: Holly, wha…what's up?

HOLLY: Oh, I'm just doing a little seminar here…It's technically supposed to be your job, but you weren't here, so…_she smiles. Michael smiles back. Jim looks at the camera._

MICHAEL: Well, I guess I'll just take over from here…_He takes the dry-erase marker out of Holly's hand. Holly goes to a seat and sits down. Michael looks at the board, then faces the other office workers._

MICHAEL: I…I just wanted to say that this is so…so important, that they are finally doing this, because I have been suggesting this for years, and the only time it's ever been acknowledged was when that idiot from Diversity Today came in…_He tears up._ We…must respect each other's differences. Stanley, Kelly, Oscar, I'm sure you all understand what I'm talking about here- _Stanley looks up from his crossword puzzle._

STANLEY: And what exactly am I supposed to understand?

MICHAEL: Kelly, we'll start with you. Now, I know this may be hard for you, but I want you to stand up and tell us all what it's like to be you, with your…condition, _Jim looks at the camera, _on any given day. Kelly, it's okay, we're all here for you. _Kelly stands up._

KELLY: Well, yesterday just sucked.

MICHAEL: What happened?

KELLY: Well, I was walking around the mall, and I saw this really, really cute dress, but it was green, and you know how I can't pull that off, so I went inside to see if they had it in any other colors, and guess what? They had it in blue, which looks so much better on me, it's hard to believe. So I went up to pay for it, and then I realized that it was, like, ten bucks more than the green, and I wouldn't have enough for a Frap if I got it. But seriously, it was so cute. It was a little above the knee, which is great because I want to show off my legs but I don't want to give anyone the wrong idea, and it was a V-neck, and it was all floral, which they said was so in in the last issue of Seventeen, and…

MICHAEL: That's…not exactly what I meant, but…Oscar, why don't you come up and tell us what it's like to be a minority in a…non-minority world?

PHYLLIS: Michael, I think you're misunderstanding the- _Michael lifts up his hand to stop her. He pauses, angry._

MICHAEL: How…how dare you? How dare you interrupt this…this…this huge step for all DunderMifflin kind, with your stupid little… _Angela snickers. Phyllis looks at her. Angela shrinks into her seat. _No…no, Phyllis, I'm going to give you a second chance. Because that's the kind of wonderfully accepting person I am.

OSCAR: I don't see what this has to do with…

MICHAEL: Enough! _He looks at Jim._ Jim, you're my number two, right?

DWIGHT: Actually, I-

JIM: Absolutely I am.

MICHAEL: Could you please tell everyone here that what they are doing is NOT FUNNY.

JIM: I will, but…first I think you should take another look at that whiteboard.

MICHAEL: Very funny, Jim, I know what the board says. _He looks at the board. _Business ethnics…business _ethics._ _He pauses, then looks up at everyone in the conference room slowly._

_Theme song._

Like I said, this is my first fanfiction EVER. I am going to continue this, but please review and give suggestions. I'm all ears.


	2. Chapter 2

Hi everyone

Hi everyone! I think I'll take a second to respond to my wonderful reviewers!

**Bingbangboom714- ** I worked really hard on making Michael as accurate as possible. And, yes, it does take place at the beginning of season 5, just to clear things up.

**MrsBigTuna**- I, too, like seeing episode-style fanfics, and that's why I made this!

Ktface3 – Thanks! Kelly's rant was what I was most excited about. Look out for more things like that from minor characters – I can't wait to get to Meredith!

**SkywalkerPrincess**- Thanks! I always try to picture my characters saying what I make them say, so that I know that they'd say it.

**DragonWingedHanyou** – Thanks, Liz! (BTW, my name is NOT Ari. It's Blondala. I thought you knew that. ;-) )

As always, I own nothing. ZIP, ZILCH, nada.

Oh, and sorry if Michael insulting New York offends anyone…but as a native New Yorker, I think I kind of have the right to make fun of myself…

HOLLY is leading the seminar in the conference room. The camera zooms in on MICHAEL, who is sitting in the back, looking down. He obviously does not want to be there.

HOLLY (TH) : Ryan Howard, Michael's old boss, was arrested for fraud, so David Wallace told all of the branch managers to lead a Business Ethics seminar. Well, all of the branch managers and me, instead of Michael. I'm not sure why…

MICHAEL(TH): Ryan was arrested. It's just…I can't believe he would do that. New York changed him somehow. Stupid New York. It's like…New…Dork…_MICHALE cracks up at his own joke._ Anyway, though, something about the Big Apple does things to people. That's why I didn't take the corporate job. I wouldn't have taken it even if David Wallace _did_ offer me the job. Ryan just…Ryan just…he found the worm in the apple.

Conference room.

HOLLY: So, basically, when you lie to the customers, you're essentially cheating. _The camera zooms in on ANGELA, who scowls._

ANGELA (TH): It wasn't what it looked like. I have never had any sort of relationship with Dwight. I know what you think you saw, and it wasn't what really happened, I can assure you. _Pause, as if the cameraman was saying something. _That's completely irrelevant! _Pause again. _Phyllis didn't say anything, right?

PHYLLIS (TH) : I saw everything. _She smiles._ And I thought planning parties was fun…

_(Clip that is assumed to be prerecorded)_

PHYLLIS walks over to accounting.

PHYLLIS: Angela, if you're going out to get lunch, can you pick me up a sandwich?

ANGELA: Get your own sandwich, Phyllis.

PHYLLIS: Oh, alright. _She starts to walk away, then turns back. _By the way, how are things between you and Andy?

(End clip.)

PHILLIS (TH): I haven't had to buy my own sandwich in months.

Conference room again.

HOLLY: So, let's review. Basically, before you do something, you have to ask yourself, "Is what I'm doing going to harm or mislead someone?" If it is, don't do it.

DWIGHT: Question. Define "harm."

HOLLY: What do you mean?

DWIGHT: There are basically five different types of harm. Physical, emotional, financial, mental-

JIM: Wow, Dwight. I never heard of mental harm. Could you explain it to me?

DWIGHT: Jim, you idiot. You attempt at causing mental harm every day. Luckily, I'm indestructible, and you're an imbecile.

JIM: Whoa, Dwight, calm down. I don't know what you're talking about.

DWIGHT: Oh, don't play dumber than you are with me, Halpert. _JIM gives one of those looks that only he can give to the camera. _Remember that funny little joke you played on me yesterday?

JIM: Dwight, that was not a joke. I swear on my life, the real Ben Franklin _was_ hiding in that closet.

DWIGHT: Real smart, Halpert. Everyone knows that Ben Franklin's dead.

JIM: Right, I'm sure you were told that. Because that's what they _want_ you to think.

DWIGHT: Play pranks all you want, Halpert, I know you're only doing it because you're depressed about Pam. Save your pathetic little show for someone who cares.

JIM (TH): Pam went to the Pratt school of Design, and she'll be there for another two months and…_he checks his watch,_ five days.

KELLY (TH): I can't believe Pam's gone. We were such close friends, you know?

ANGELA (TH): I think the office is better off without her and those short skirts she wears.

MICHAEL (TH): This is not the first time that one of our family has abandoned us, but luckily, it's only temporary. Like, "temporabandonment!" Which, still, isn't favorable. Still, she's in…the Brat school of Doodles, or something like that, so…

CREED (TH): Which one is Pam? Gosh, I should know this. Um…hold on…_he does a finger count of women in the office._ Andrea, Mary Beth, Shelly, now this Pam character…huh…


	3. Chapter 3

Hey guys! I'm back with another chapter! I'll take just a minute to respond to my FAN-FREAKING-TASTIC reviewers!

**MrsBigTuna** – I always love writing Dwight/Jim parts. I felt that in season 4, there really weren't as many pranks as there should have been. I have always wanted to put someone's things in the vending machine or put nickels in their phones, but in school we don't have vending machines OR phones, so I have to think of other plans.

**Bingbangboom**- Thanks! Creed has always made me laugh. Power to the Minor Characters!

**DragonWingedHanyou** – Thanks, but it would really help if your STORY reviews actually REVIEWED the STORY…and, BTW, if you reduce me to 3 letters, I will have to do the same to you. Oh, and the Liz Lemon thing? It's a compliment. And I already called dibs on Elliot. You don't even _watch_ Scrubs. (I know you're scowling at the computer so I will put a smile on your face in 7 words: Instead of getting up like NORMAL people…)

Once again, I own ZIP, ZILCH, nada. I do not own The Office, but if I did, Pam and Jim would be engaged. I do not own New York, but if I did, I would make things cheaper...

The camera shows Kelly at her desk. She is wearing a track suit and her hair is in an up do. She is putting finishing touches on her makeup.

KELLY (TH): This is going to be so awesome. After I'm through, Ryan will rue the day he ever took that dumb New York job. What's so great about New York anyway? I mean…if you're not even going to _shop_…

Most OFFICE WORKERS go to the break room or downstairs. KELLY walks out of the office. We see that she is in very high heels, which she walks on by shaking her hips in an exaggerated way. Meredith looks at her, then goes to the break room. The camera follows her. We see her take a bottle of red wine out of the fridge.

MEREDITH (TH): No, it's not a special occasion. I'm just having a rough…month…and I think I deserve it. After all, I've still got…well, it has to be a few months before I have to go cold turkey. I said 4 and a half years…gosh, that must have been…2 and a half years ago? Hm. Oh well. _She lifts up the wine bottle and drinks straight from it._

_HOLLY observes Meredith drinking in the break room and goes to MICHAEL'S office, where he is sitting with his head down on the desk._ _She knocks on the door. MICHAEL sighs, then drags himself out of his chair and opens it._

MICHAEL: What do you want? _He sees that it is HOLLY. His posture straightens and his tone lightens suddenly. _Oh, hi, Holly. Come in, come in. _HOLLY goes into his office. MICHAEL goes to his desk and sits down. HOLLY pulls up a chair across from him._

MICHAEL: What's up?

HOLLY: Well, this is regarding Meredith, one of your employees.

MICHAEL: What about Meredith?

HOLLY: Well, it seems that she brought alcohol to work. Michael, you're going to have to talk to her about this.

MICHAEL: I don't really see what the big deal is.

HOLLY: Michael, she brought an entire bottle of wine to work. Unless you want employees walking around drunk, you'll have to talk to her.

MICHAEL: Fine, fine. _He stands up and walks outside his office. He goes to the break room, where he sees MEREDITH at a table, with no food and a half-empty bottle of wine._

MICHAEL: Meredith, can I talk to you in my office, please?

MEREDITH: Why? Whad' I do?

MICHAEL: I just…_he looks around._ We need to talk.

MEREDITH: If this is about that thing with your rear bumper, I can pay for that.

MICHAEL: No, that's not what this is about. And what thing with my rear bumper?

MEREDITH: Never mind. _She takes a swig of wine. _Well, are we going or not?

MICHAEL: Yeash, let's yet this over with. _He walks towards his office. MEREDITH follows. He goes inside and sits at his desk. HOLLY pulls up a chair for MEREDITH. MEREDITH sits down._

MICHAEL: Do you know why you're in here?

MEREDITH: Is this about me leaving early on Wednesdays? Because if it is, that's done with in a few weeks.

MICHAEL: No, this isn't about that, although I'm glad to see you're following through with your…programs…

HOLLY: What Michael's trying to say is that we've noticed that you brought a bottle of wine to work with you today.

MEREDITH: Yeah, so?

HOLLY: Meredith, I'm going to be very clear on this. You cannot bring alcohol to work. Do you understand me?

MEREDITH: Why not? Other employees bring beer all the time.

HOLLY(shocked): Do they really? Meredith, tell me honestly, who brings beer to work?

MEREDITH: I don't know, but there's always an empty can or two on Creed's desk. _The camera flashes to CREED, who is playing computer games at his desk._

CREED(TH): I never drink beer at my desk. I keep my own drinks in empty beer cans. _As if repeating a question: _What do I drink? That's completely irrelevant, but it's not beer. It's way cooler.

HOLLY: Michael, I think we're going to have to have a meeting about this. If you want, I can work this into the business ethics seminar…

MICHAEL: Fine, go ahead. Can I just…stay out of this? I'm really tired.

HOLLY: Michael, you're the boss. You're the only one who can really fix this. _She puts her hand on top of his. MEREDITH stares. MICHAEL looks up._

MICHAEL: Fine, I'll do it.

I'm sick today, so nothing will make me happier than seeing review alerts in my inbox! Review! Review! Review!


	4. Chapter 4

And……I'm back

And……I'm back! Sorry for the distraction, but the idea for Dilemmas just hit me one day and you all know how I get…Anywho, and now back to the show!

P.S. I do not own The Office or anything mentioned in this story. Wish I did, but I didn't. All I own is a FANTABULOUS friendship bracelet that my friend made for me at camp…If you're reading this, Love ya, Liz!

The camera shows everyone in the conference room again. Michael is leading a seminar.

MICHAEL: Guys, you know how you can't drink and drive? Well, you can't drink and sell paper. I'm sorry, it's news to me too, but To- _he looks at Holly. _Sorry. It's just…No, you can't.

CREED: Question. How drunk is too drunk for work? Because I'm a nit buzzed right now.

MICHAEL: Creed, look, it's just…I know from experience, it's a lot harder to sell paper when you're drunk. I know, I've tried.

JIM: You know what, Michael, maybe it would help things if you told a personal story about that. And speak really slowly.

MICHAEL: Alright! If that's what it takes! _JIM pulls a pad of paper and a pencil out of his briefcase. DWIGHT looks around._

DWIGHT: Michael, should I be taking notes? _He fishes around in his briefcase but cannot find a pad or a pencil. He looks at Jim's pad, which we see says "Dwight Shrute, ARM." _Jim, you took my notepad, didn't you?

JIM: Oh, what? Sorry, Dwight, wasn't listening.

MICHAEL: Dwight, stop…stop being an idiot, Dwight. No one cares.

JIM: So, what was this great story you were about to tell us? _KEVIN smiles._

KEVIN (TH): I love drunk stories. I tell them all the time.

KELLY: Oh my God, I have the best drunk story. So it was the day before Valentines Day, and this really cute guy I worked with asked me out, so I had a few Cosmos, and I got really, really drunk. So then the Cosmo I'm drinking spills all over my dress, and the guy starts laughing, and then _I _start laughing and…_she stops smiling. _You know what? He turned out to be a total jerk. I like Daryl so much better. Oh! I have a great story about my first date with him! So he asked me out, and this time, I had a few _Appletinis, _and-

Conference room

MICHAEL: So, this was a few years ago, long time ago, I doubt any of you were here. Except maybe Creed. Anyway, Jan calls me and says she's in Scranton and asks me if I want to go to lunch. _Jim starts writing. _So we go to Chilis, and we start talking, and we drink a bit, and we actually hook up in the bathroom, and-

JIM: Wait, could you repeat that?

MICHAEL: We hooked up in the bathroom. _ANDY pumps his fist in the air._

ANGELA: Michael, this is inappropriate. No one wants to hear about this. _PHYLLIS glares at ANGELA._

HOLLY: Michael, Angela's right. You really shouldn't-

MICHAEL: Sorry, sorry, I'm getting off the topic. So I get to the office, and I get really confused since Pam isn't there, and I start to think I'm in the wrong office, and –

PHYLLIS: I remember. You tripped over your pant legs and spun into my desk. Papers were everywhere.

MICHAEL: That's not because I was drunk, that's because I thought it would be funny. _PHYLLIS looks down. ANGELA smirks._

JIM: I remember this, too. Michael, wasn't that just a month ago?

KEVIN: Yeah, Michael. I remember it too.

HOLLY: It doesn't matter when it was, the point is that you can't be drunk at work. No exceptions.

CREED: I don't see what all the fuss is about. I mean, booze never killed anyone.

MICHAEL: Stop it! Everyone, just…Sha! _Everyone stares. Awkward silence._

_Still awkward. MICHAEL pulls up a chair and sits down._

MICHAEL: Look, I just…_he sighs. _I didn't even want to do this, but Ryan had to go and-

KELLY: Ryan's a total jerk.

KELLY (TH): Yeah, I visited Ryan in Prison. And he was all, "Do I know you?" And I was like, "You totally know me. I'm your ex-girlfriend, remember?" And then he was all, "Oh, yeah, Christie, right?" And I got so mad at him…Well, he's not going on any dates in prison, that's for sure.

_Conference room. _

MICHAEL: This is all Toby's fault!

JIM: Hasn't Toby been gone for three months?

MICHAEL: That's beside the point!

ANGELA: Look, we all need to go back to work. This thing is going on too long.

MICHAEL: That's what…_he looks at Holly. _Uh…That's what we're going to do. Great job today, everyone.

JIM: Just letting you know, this was really great.

MICHAEL: Uh… Alright! I think you all get it! No more booze!

JIM: Wow, that's really hard. Is that even possible?

MICHAEL: That's…uh…you'll have to cope, Jim. No more booze!

CREED: For how long?

MICHAEL: FOREVER!

JIM: Wow. That's really long. You sure you can keep that up?

MICHAEL: THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID! _DWIGHT high-fives MICHAEL. Awkward silence. JIM makes his trademark face at the camera. HOLLY stares at MICHAEL._

JIM(TH): You know, it's been…three months since Michael's done that. _He chuckles. _You know, this isn't as much fun as I thought it would be. Something's missing.

Up next: How will Michael reveal his little joke obsession to Holly? Will Angela get fed up? Will Kelly ever let it go? Will Creed be even creepier? All that and more, if you review!

P.S. For my faithful Dilemmas readers: Sequel coming after I finish this. Actually, here is my priorities list:

Business Ethics

Dilemmas Sequel

30 Rock Jack/Liz fic (in the Others category)

Creedthoughts – or, at least, what I think he'd write!

Another Office story that stands, as of now, nameless in my mind,


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